Now throughout my long and varied career in the medicinal arts, countless fat women have stampeded into my Harley street surgery crying and begging me to help them lose weight and be beautiful.After recovering from my shock and revulsion at the sight of the hideous creatures, I always tell them the same thing STOP EATING YOU FAT PIG!!!
This has not only the immediate benefit of stopping their tears, but is also I believe is a valuable psychological tool .
It forces them to realise what grotesque parodies of the human form they are.
Now some of you out there without my vast medical experience might see this as cruel, but let me assure you its only a first step on the road to the physical perfection of size zero.
After shocking the patient into the realisation that her very appearance is, as she feared, revolting and that her form would make any ordinary man physically sick.
Then this is the time we can take, what I like to call the Hippo woman, and start her on an intensive six week crash diet that I call Dr Bamboo's D plan diet.
I first discovered this revolutionary weight loss technique in the humid malaria ridden jungles of north east Madagascar.
I was working with an old village healer and had the terrible misfortune to contract a case of amoebic dysentery this left me delirious and unable to eat anything for a full six weeks.
Unpleasant as this experience was I found that after the experience I had lost over six stones!!
It was a few weeks after my recovery that I began to formulate the essential basics of what I now call the D plan diet.
I believe no other diet in the world can give you the same results that I can achieve in six short weeks.
For a fee of just under ten thousand pounds I inject the patient with a patented form of amoebic dysentery and stand well back for six weeks as she vomits and excretes her voluminous frame through her massive orifices.
Of course this is a particularly nasty way to lose those excess pounds and I would only prescribe this course of treatment to ladies over the normal feminine weight of 7 stones.
I have had many successes with this diet and only two deaths, which I believe makes it much safer than other so called weight loss plans.
One of my Hippo women even found her self a husband shortly after her treatment and standing by her bed during the wedding service was one of the proudest days of my entire career.
12 comments:
I see that you too are a man of medicine Mr Spidey. I'm glad that I'm not the lone voice in the fat desert.
oh my gosh!! how can you say that size zero is beautiful!
its sick these women are on their death beds there bones sticking out its just wrong.
eat a healthy variaty of foods and do regular exersize its not a lot to ask swimming is a good way to shead some pounds...x
Size zero is the ultimate in womanly perfection and should be the goal of every woman who actually wants a husband. You are obviously a hideously fat girl and as such I urge you seek me out and try my amazing D plan diet.
Maybe then when you are down to a more normal weight you can start to date and spend less time frequenting blogs.
you are retarded and obviously were not trained in a reputable med school. you probably got your degree in Columbia or something similar, if you really do have a med degree. I would like to know the school you went to, your name, and the year you graduated so everyone can see for themselves how full of shit you are. Your website is nothing but comical as it says not a single statement worthy of being taken seriously. And no I am not a woman and I am not fat, I am 190 cm tall and weigh 75kg.
How dare you!! I have never been to Columbia or anywhere in South America.
I was trained at the prestigious Karachi postal institute of international medicine.
As for my name, I would think the Dr Bamboo's world famous advice column would be a big clue to all but the terminally stupid.
I know why you are angry, we doctors see a lot of this during our careers. What you are experiencing is called transference, whereby the patient transfers his inadequacies
into an almost sexual jealousy and focuses them on a man more sexually attractive than him self,the only way he can come to terms with these strange new homosexual feelings is to lash out at the object of his perverted desire.
I urge you to seek out other homosexual males and explore these savage new feelings. I suggest you find a well known gentleman's toilet in your area, as I believe "Toilet trading" is the way most men of your persuasion find a willing partner.
I sincerely hope you find your own personal brokeback style lover, and never give up hope little fellow! There is always help available if you'll just ask.
you forgot the year :) nice try imposter
Can you give me any advice, I’ve fallen and can’t get up!
I would suggest grabbing onto near by furniture and using the aforesaid items as a form of leverage. Beyond that I couldn't possibly answer as my field is mainly human sexuality and not orthopedics or geriatrics.
I still can’t get up I am starting to get thirsty and am laying in my own excrement and urine. Please help!
THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I HAVE READ IN AGES, YOU SHOULD DO STAND UP, WOULD GO DOWN A STORM IN THE UK.
THANKS FOR THE LAUGHS, HOPE YOU KEEP UP YOUR COMEDY ACT "DR BAMBOO" AWESOME STAGE NAME!
Comedy act??
Thank you very much for your wordy comment my friend, how very apt your name is! For you are indeed a fucker.
As to the question of us dating I feel I must reiterate my earlier stance and make my position even clearer by stating that I do not date members of the general public.
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