The Britney paradigm

Over the last few years everyone from Letterman to the Dalai lama's brother has had an opinion on whats gone wrong with Britney.
Some say its the natural consequence of being thrust into the glare of international celebrity at such a tender age, others that its a natural progression in any young womans life.

I think it's time that I addressed this issue and gave my educated medical opinion on the tragic fall of every ones favourite nymphet.
Ever since Miss Spears burst onto the international scene in her plaid skirt and short shirt I have been keeping a close, almost paternal eye, on her career.
I've watched along with everyone else as she dabbled with staged lesbian acts and tight leather suits and all this has led me to the sad conclusion that Miss Spears is suffering from a medical condition called Joyium penisium more commonly known as being "cock happy"

I've seen this quite often in my years in the medical profession, it occurs mainly in younger women from the ages of about 14-25 and if left untreated can carry on up to old age.
Medical opinion is divided on the causes of Joyium penisium with theories ranging from it being a rare mental condition to it being some kind of airborne virus.
What is known is that the symptoms include mood swings, insomnia and insatiable desire for cock, hence the common name.

My theory on the origins of the condition are at odds with most medical opinion in that I believe
young women contract it not by viral attack, but by swallowing the spermatozoa of a male partner. I believe this swallowed cumulate reacts with enzymes in the lower intestine and produces a chemical reaction that then translates its self into an inordinate love of cock and so in the fullness of time the patient becomes "cock happy"

The condition seems to be worse the younger the swallower is, as I mentioned earlier the prime ages at risk seem to be in the 14-25 age bracket so I would like to take this opportunity to ask all young women out there to think seriously before swallowing your lovers salty treasure.

I just hope that someone correctly diagnoses young Britney before its too late, I have tried innumerable times to contact her in the past and all I have for my selfless actions is a restraining order and memories.