Firstly I would like to introduce myself, my name is Doctor Mohendras X Bamboo. I was born in Greenland but brought up travelling the world with my parents world renowned circus and freak show, Bamboo oddities. So I guess one might call me a citizen of the world.
Ever since I was a child I have had an overwhelming compulsion to help people. As soon as I could walk, I was to be found helping the bearded lady wash down the other freaks or I would be out catching sparrows and breaking their little wings with a claw hammer, so I could learn the correct technique to fix broken bones.
That's why when the authorities finally closed down Bamboo oddities, I decided to use my altruistic almost saintly nature for the good of all human kind and become a medical doctor. After many weeks of studying all facets of modern medicine, I graduated with honours from the Karachi postal institute of international medicine and immediately set out upon the saintly path that has led me via many a winding road to this site.
I want to use this site mainly for dealing with delicate personal issues for not only am I a doctor of medicine but I'm also a graduate of Papua new guinea's world famous school of psychiatry and motorcycle repair.
So as an example I'd like to present to you three case studies which I have dealt with successfully in the past and hope maybe it will encourage you not to be shy in coming forward with your own personal problems.
Case study one
Dear Dr Bamboo, I'm a forty two year old married man with a wonderful family and a successful career. Many people envy me and think my life is perfect but I have a secret sexual compulsion to rub my genitalia along the backs of shelled animals. I first started doing this as a small child I would disappear down to the end of the garden and gather thirty or forty snails together then take down my pants and place the snails into my underpants. As I got older things steadily progressed and I moved from snails to terrapins. Things have got so bad now that I own 12 tortoises, 6 terrapins 3 sea turtles and countless snails and I'm beginning to think my wife suspects something as she caught me last week dressed in just a leather posing pouch (full of snails) sat on my new giant tortoise watching a discovery channel special on the Galapagos islands. I managed to convince her I hadn't realised the tortoise was there, but as I said I think she suspects. please please help me.
Dr Bamboo says: This is a very common problem, I have dealt with countless cases of shellophilia over the years and in 99 per cent of cases we have managed to deal with the problem by the means of extensive counselling and the application of electricity. I would advise you seek out a qualified counsellor in your area who specializes in your particular filthy perversion and make the first steps towards a shell free life.
case study two
Dear Dr Bamboo, I'm a thirty three year old woman and work as stockbroker. my life is perfect except for the fact that I cant find a man. All my friends say I am very attractive and a fun person to be with but it seems to make no difference. Men never call me again after a first date and its beginning to get me down please help.
Dr Bamboo says: I see your problem very clearly and its very easy to cure. I am willing to bet my mortgage that you don't put out on these first dates and that I believe is the problem. Next time a gentleman asks you out, try sucking his cock before the date and maybe indulging in some anal sex afterwards and I'm sure you will find that men will definitely begin calling you for a second date.
Case study three
Dear Dr Bamboo, please help me I have no where else to turn you are my last hope! I am a normal average guy in every respect except the fact that my penis is very small. It makes it impossible to form relationships with women as I'm very self conscious and have never been able to satisfy a woman with my three inches. I am at this moment considering suicide, please help me you are my last hope.
Dr Bamboo says: This is a very serious problem and I can see why you think suicide may be your best option. I can only really suggest corrective surgery for this problem. Dr Joao Puta, one of my old mentors is doing some really radical work in this area and I urge you to seek him out. He is one of the worlds foremost surgeons and is highly regarded in the transsexual community for his high quality clitoris work. I also urge you to consider pedophilia, young girls have very small vaginas and I'm sure that your lack of inches will not be so much of a problem.
You can send your problems to me by using the comments link. I look forward to dealing with your problems and urge you to remember a problem shared is a problem halved.
1 comment:
Is your friend Dr Joao Puta the famous Nazi war criminal whose real name is Ernst Shitclitz that is supposedly hiding in Brazil? That is good that he moved on and began a new life helping girly-men switch their visual sexuality to woman parts.
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